Ten Myths About Fetishes & Fetishists
So many misconceptions and misunderstanding surround extreme kinks and fetishes, including sex work within these areas. I have collected ten things that I believe to be myths and misconceptions.
Listen to the Slut Next Door podcast episode where I talk about these 10 myths and why they are not always true.
I will put a disclaimer that there are bad people out there that these don't apply to. I'm referring to the majority.
Indulging in sexual fantasies always means that you want to act that way in real life.
Nope. That is not always the rule. We fantasize everyday, even about non sexual things. Have you ever wanted to ram your vehicle into that asshole that cut you off in traffic? That's fantasizing. Would you ever behave in such a manner? Most likely not. Some people fantasize about outrageous sexual activities and will never want to act that way in real life.
Some sexual fantasies are dangerous.
While fantasies may depict dangerous things (indeed, that's part of what can give them their power), no link has ever show that fantasies predict actual dangerous behavior. In fact, to the contrary, fantasies may provide a healthy outlet for people that will never engage in the realities of their fantasies.
Sex workers are fucked up damaged people.
We are regular people that just happen to do filthy things everyday for business (and pleasure). Sure, there are some fucked up and damaged sex workers, but there are also fucked up and damaged accountants, chefs, pilots, etc. Sex work is work!
Pervs are dangerous and creepy.
Quite the opposite! Some pervs ARE dangerous and creepy. Jeffrey Dahmer was a perv and he was definitely dangerous and creepy. The dangerous pervs are a small minority of a much larger perv group that generally goes to work, pay taxes, contributes to society, and helps little old ladies cross the street. I love my perv community!
Fetishists and fetish events are dangerous.
Fetish clubs and communities are some of the safest events I've been to, especially compared to mainstream dance clubs where it's most likely I'll get my ass grabbed by a stranger or even worse. Fetishists and fetish communities operate from foundations of rules, boundaries, and best practices. It doesn't get much safer than that.
Sex workers are impossible to date.
Sex workers are people too! I crave romance and intimacy just like every other woman. I just happen to make people cum for a living. To date a sex worker, a partner needs to be open and accepting that there will be flirting, but that doesn't mean we're trying to date this person. It's transactional and necessary for business.
Taboo sex content is illegal.
There's a big difference between "frowned upon" and "illegal." There is some shunning of certain taboo sex content, mostly because it disturbs societal norms. As long as the content involves consenting adults and no crime is committed in making the content, it's legal.
Enjoying taboo content means you are bad.
Part of the excitement around taboo content is centered around it being "bad" or "transgressive." But its fantasy. Actual behavior is bad. Thoughts about behavior are fantasies and often lead to zero harm.
Porn causes sexual relationship problems and/or mental health problems.
Porn is not the problem. Deep rooted issues like sexual shame, insecure relationship dynamic with partners, unsatisfying sex life, preexisting sexual problems, and poor sex education. Porn is often used as the band-aid for these things.
Watching porn leads to sexual offending and sexual violence towards women.
This is not to say that porn consumption can bring poor sex understanding to sexually inexperienced adults. Consuming porn will not breed offenders and violence. Deeper mental health issues do. Studies show that some men even gain empathy towards women after porn consumption.
Extreme fetishes and porn consumption can be enhancements to one's life when consumed safely and legally. If you like taboo porn or extreme kinks, you are not a bad person. Listen to my podcast episode where I unpack each of these myths!
Author: Miss Beatrix & Nick the Perv